Self Care

I recently returned from Bali. It was so luxurious. So indulgent. I got massages. I didn’t have to make my bed. All my food was cooked for me. I didn’t have to do dishes. I woke early every morning to meditate and do a two-hour yoga practice. I withdrew into silence for 24 hours. I was driven around in golf carts. I stared deep into the jungle. I climbed a volcano. I swam. I surrounded myself with lush greenness.

By the time I got back to New Zealand, aside from feeling a little jet-lagged, I felt amazing. All that talk about making sure your cup is full? Well, mine was positively overflowing. 

However, the timing meant that my dad went in for his knee reconstruction while I was away. I badly wanted to be here for it, but it wasn’t to be. My brother came out from Australia with his four-year-old to help Mum out. When I arrived back, Dad was still in the hospital. His knee was healing well and he came home the following day.

I stayed at my parents’ house for four days. I helped Dad up and down from his bed and chair. I helped mum cook meals. I helped Dad do the exercises from the physio. I helped my nephew build Lego. I reminded Dad to take his medication. I helped my brother with chores around the house. I did my best to make sure Dad didn’t feel like a burden. By the end of the four days, I was a wreck. I was exhausted. Said cup was now back to empty. And it was time to return to work. 

By Friday I was starting to return to normal. On Saturday I headed back to my parent’s house and this visit included six hours in ED one night.

By now I was starting to get a really good picture of what self-care meant to me. And also what it meant, and how I felt, without it. 

So I went to a heated yin class. I took a bath. I went for a walk with a good friend. I sat on the couch and did not much. I surrounded myself with lush, green nature. I turned up the music and sang while I drove. I went for brunch with a good friend. I read. I listened to podcasts. 

And after all of this, my cup started to feel full again. I felt like I could show up and be my best self for my partner, for my Dad, for work. I sometimes find the language of self-care doesn’t sit quite right with me. But the last few weeks have shown me that regardless of what I call it, I need to make sure I prioritise time for things that make me feel whole. 

So what do you do for self-care? How do you make sure that your cup is full? Or, if you’ve never thought about it, maybe today’s the day to take five deep breaths, just for you.